just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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