they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
