I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
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I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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