just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
