This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
