shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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