My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
