i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
