I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
