People with herpes should wear stickers.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
