hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
