I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
