I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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