I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
