you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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