I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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