this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
