Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
