Moan for me like Helen Keller
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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