So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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