u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Someone shattered a urinal.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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