So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
