Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
