im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
