That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
