bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
