Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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