Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
i've created a new STD.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Randomize
