2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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