Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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