Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Apparently you make a good broom.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
bring money and cleavage
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Gay?
German.
Pity.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
