I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
