Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Boobs speak an international language.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
