Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
This toilet bowl is my home.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
