I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
