the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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