Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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