i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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