I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
