so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
