He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
