took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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