but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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