Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
