You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
