I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
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i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
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I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
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