Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
