Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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