sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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