He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
my poor anus
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
