A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
