I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
