I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
