I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
