How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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