Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
