Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
