the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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