I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
