The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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