You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
