VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
